you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
