you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
