im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
