i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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