i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I want a musical about memes.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
