Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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