How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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