My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
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