its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
