I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Randomize
