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Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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