I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
