There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
