This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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