I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
