I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
