I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Randomize
