I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
