Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
