Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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