That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
