i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
It's official drugs can't kill me
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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