Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Randomize