Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
