gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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