i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize