just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
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