The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Randomize
