my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I look better un-naked...
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Randomize
