my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
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