i think i have two assholes
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
