Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
