Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I just forgot I was standing up.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
