Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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