i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
i think my mom watched the whole time
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
