I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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