with your own penis?
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize