you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
