there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
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