96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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