Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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