I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
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