Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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