I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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