Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
