HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
