Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
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