I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
