Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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