Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Randomize
