Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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