Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
