yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
