Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
