i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize
