So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
