you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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