My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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