I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
