Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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