I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Everyone says I win the strip club
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
