Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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