I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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