i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
