I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Naked Twister starts at high noon
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
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